Tell a fucking story

Don’t just show people data and expect them to know what the fuck you’re talking about. Don’t walk them through some boring fucking facts. Don’t ask stupid questions.

Tell a story. Develop a plot and a clear call to action for your audience.

If you aren’t trying to get them to take action, cancel the meeting. If it’s just an update on how shit is going to make everyone feel good, put it in an email.

If you are going to tell a story and give a serious presentation for any reason to drive change, tell a proper, well-formed story.

And I don’t mean this stupid “Meet Jill. She’s a _____. She goes and (same stupid pitch as before with stupid faces on slides)” No. I mean a legitimate story where your audience terrifyingly sees themselves as a part of it.

Here is an example you can use to fuck people up at your next meeting:

I saw a study that said fulfilled people do 14% more work. Last quarter, our output per dollar in our team was 50 units. If we were to get to 57 units, we would actually see an overall 1% EBITDA spike for our entire department.

That actually means our bonuses across the entire team would go up based on this year’s incentive plans.

Turns out the major cause from a survey of 84% of the department is lack of sleep.

So, for the love of god, Jerry, can you just buy that fucking espresso machine?

After delivery, setup, and the steaming wand add on, we still will net .91% EBITDA improvement.

[Then you can start egging on everyone else in the room]

Tom, Jerry reports to you – can you ask him why he’s being such a fucking idiot about this?